HESL Day 2: Forgiveness Night

After the enlightening session on woundedness, the participants felt emotionally drained. Hence, we all proceeded to the dining hall for dinner and we all ate our hearts out! The activities made us all hungry and exhausted, yet I felt a big sigh of relief and understanding. Now! everything made sense, all the events of the past and present have resulted into who I am today. No regrets, nothing and nobody to blame because we all did the best that we can at the time. Just when I thought the night session was smooth sailing, I was wrong!


After a brief film showing (see previous blog), Fr. Ben discussed forgiveness and what it means. Alas! All my misconceptions about forgiveness has been rectified. For someone who spent 12 years of her life in a Protestant Chinese school, forgiveness meant: forgetting what the other person did to you, and being friends again with the same person who has hurt you. In short, kiss and make-up.


However, the HESL seminar uses a psycho-social and spiritual approach, as Fr. Ben and ate Baby explains forgiveness:

1. Awaiting for an explanation and apology from the offender is your ego's way of seeking approval. They will never change so why wait?

2. Forgiveness means letting go of the mental and emotional grudge and hurt that the offender has caused you and how you have carried this on in your present life. Think about this: you have been carrying this unwanted, heavy cross behind your back, and it has strained your relationships and choices. Would you still want the cross?

3. Forgiveness doesn't mean that the offender should not be punished for his offense. We can lose ties with him, and not put ourselves in the same situation where we can get hurt again (i.e. crimes, abuse). 

4. Forgiveness is a process, it takes time and confronting the emotions that surface from the past hurt is never easy. However, with the gift of understanding and enlightenment from woundedness, we have nobody to blame. Hence, moving forward becomes easier.

After this explanation, we were asked to write a forgiveness letter, one from the offender (i.e. mother), and one from the offended party (i.e. me). While writing, I wasn't able to say much, but letting out the words and feelings meant a big sigh of relief for me, especially when you have bottled up your emotions for the last 20+ years!

This was followed by the burning of the paper (and tearing it to bits) and the washing of the feet (similar to Christ's washing His disciples feet). More than the act of humility, it means surrendering the pain, forgiving yourself and the offender to Christ, which allows the healing process to take over. The feeling was like, OMG! the greatest feeling ever! It was like a stuck fishbone in your throat was literally taken out!